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Permission to exist

Updated: Mar 6, 2022

These days of buzzing brain and drained heart,

with so much thoughts and little touch,

thirsty skin, nauseous mind,

big ears and muted “I’s”.

These days of non-stop people,

endless nights for self reliance,

gulping air, silently crippled,

no space for me in a crowd of giants.

So lonely, so lonely, Sting and Queen,

in the arms of disappointment dancing free

undressing my past, unwearing my present,

swallowing words that make me transparent.

Day after day I am less and less yet,

chasing chairs own by everyone else,

shielding my light, hiding my glow,

sensing the arrows of a silent war.

Words become black velvet ropes

that tie my hands up and crash all my bones,

A lot of Mes, no space for Yous at all,

I close my eyes as I slowly choke.

A crimson river flows from my chest,

I couldn’t contain it, it burst as if flames,

my body melts in a current that’s quiet,

as quiet and still as are their deaf eyes.

My skin disappears, I am fully theirs now,

my voice I surrender, my soul is withdrawn,

I cease to take space, and I am no more.

The last thought I have: “All this I allowed”.

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